Again, I feel as if my life hangs on a thread. The CT scan will determine if surgery goes forward tomorrow. My heart tells me that it won’t stop the surgery from going forward, but my heart has been wrong a few times lately and I’m not trusting it so much.
There are so many unknowns with cancer. Will it kill me? If so, how quickly will it end my life? How much time do I have? Will I be sick or in pain? This stuff messes my head up terribly and is of no value. But they pester to be answered.
Somewhere I get to be my own best advocate and tell them to shut the hell up. Surgery will go forward tomorrow and for this I must pack today. Plan today. Drink more contrast today. 😉 I don’t really know how to pack for surgery recovery. At least I will have my personal assistants to care for my every whim. 🙂
The contrast stuff for the CT scan didn’t taste so terrible, though it is helping with the clearing of my bowels a little earlier than anticipated. I’m thankful that I feel pretty good, considering.
I think I’ll go and sit in the sun for a few minutes. THEN I’ll plan for the potential end of my life.